the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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