By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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