good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
