so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
