Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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