his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
