You made me cry and you don't even care
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
