so that wasnt chicken after all
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
