I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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