Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
