i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Boobs are out for the taking
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
