I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
