so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
