He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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