I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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