So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
