Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
