fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
