Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
