it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
