Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
