nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There r osticjed everywhere
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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