no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
