That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
