I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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