I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
