Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
