Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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