How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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