The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
