Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
