she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
