he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
