I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dicks are not precious.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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