im six kinds of drunk right now
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I will be naked everywhere
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
