I'm going to jail i love you
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
