we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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