i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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