yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
