Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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