Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
