theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
