You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
