I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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