I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
