There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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