here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
