I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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