she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
