that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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