Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
